Mystical Jennifer

It’s hard to ignore the disturbing trend of extremism that has seemingly taken over everybody’s heart and mind.  Every day people seem to be moving further and further away from each other, even though this world of technology promises to make us closer and more connected.  The amount of hatred and anger we are all exposed to is unprecedented in human history.  The vast number of other people’s opinions that we are exposed to on a daily basis is unprecedented as well.  Never before in the known history of humankind have people been able to know so much of what is going on all around the world and what everybody else thinks about it.  We’re overwhelmed with information, lost in a sea of bitter opinions and finger-pointing, feeling ungrounded and untethered as the storm rages all around us.  If you feed your mind with other people‘s opinions, how are you supposed to know what your opinion is?  If you indulge in news stories about tragedies overseas and crime committed in your own neighborhood, how are you supposed to find peace in your own heart?  If you live on a diet of anger, hatred, and chaos, is it any wonder that you feel depressed and anxious?

The time is overdue for a change. We need to take back our power from the unseen forces that have pushed us to the edges to extremism, to the brink of demoralization and cultural collapse.  The first step is in admitting we have a problem.  We have abdicated our power and responsibility to a collective consciousness that is like a juggernaut, headed towards a cliff.  Many people seem aware of what’s happening, but feel powerless to stop it.  The truth is you can’t stop it.  You can only stop yourself from participating in it.  The change has to happen with you, with a decision to take back your power by refusing to participate in the spectacle of chaos any longer.  It begins with each one of us deciding that we’re going to make a conscious effort to move away from extremism and hatred.  It starts with each of us realizing that there is value in the middle road, and placing that value near the top of our list.

I advocate first and foremost for a social media detox.  But this is the subject of another article where I can expound on this more fully.  I’ll assume that most people aren’t ready to abstain from the most toxic thing ever introduced to the human psyche, so let’s figure out how you can still protect yourself from becoming a pawn of hatred that destroys you from the inside and contributes to the downfall of society.

The next step is taking a personal inventory and acknowledging where we have extremist tendencies and views.  Where does our anger lie?  Who do we identify as “the other,” the cause of all the problems and the target of our anger?  Who makes us so angry we lose all sense of reasoning?  Do we shroud that anger and call it “passion”?  What issues fill us with dread, fear, or hatred?  These are all the places that we need to heal within ourselves.  Our anger is actually a message to us that something within ourselves is out of balance.  It is an invitation for us to grow.

The first step in that growth is remembering that there’s an actual person who holds the viewpoint on the opposite end of the spectrum from us. This person is somebody’s mother, father, daughter, or son.  We need to start seeing them as a human, as a brother or a sister, and not as the enemy.

The next step is working to develop that valuable quality called Curiosity. Open minded curiosity is the part of us that is childlike and joyful.  It seeks to understand the world around us without any preconceptions.  It’s non-judgmental and unbiased.  It only seeks to know.  Only by letting go of

previously conceived notions can we begin to explore and discover the truth about something.  When was the last time you were truly curious about something?  How many times have you said “I just don’t know how they could think/feel/do _________!”?  But were you actually curious to know why someone thinks a certain way, or were you just venting?  If you have open minded curiosity you genuinely want to know.  You’re genuinely curious about another’s experiences, mindset, values, and feelings.  What would it be like if you could put aside your own ideas about something and just take in what another person says in a real genuine effort to understand why they believe what they do?  What experiences has that person had that led them to conclude that their belief is the right one?  What information have they been exposed to that led them to believe some idea is the most true, or rational, or healthy?  Is it possible that if you had their experiences and information, you might also believe what they do?

If you find it difficult to imagine being curious about someone that fills you with hate, start with something easier.  Remember what it was like to be a child and curious about something.  What fascinated you as a kid?  If you have or know children now, observe them in their curiosity.  Do you see how beautiful and precious it is?  Do you see that childlike wonder in their eyes when they get to explore the world and learn new things?  That’s the kind of quality we all still have inside.  It may be buried and obscured, but it’s in there somewhere.  The challenge is to reach it and bring it to the surface of your awareness.  When you feel that curious quality in you, now try bringing in the person or group of people that irk you.  Now can you feel a sense of curiosity about what makes them tick?  Does this curiosity help you feel less angry at them, at least for the moment?

Curiosity is a valuable treasure.  It opens the door to love.  When we truly seek to know someone, we open ourselves up to learning something new that will help us to understand them.  And when we start to understand someone, we begin to feel a sense of compassion for them.  This is especially true if we begin to understand their struggles, traumas, fears, and insecurities.  We all have those.  It is universal that we all struggle with something, we all have pain.  Often times we forget this is true of those we think of as enemies.  From the seeds of compassion, love begins to grow.  And when love grows, it chokes out the weeds of hate.  Love and hate cannot co-exist.  Love makes forgiveness possible.  And forgiveness brings peace.

So this next week, bring a childlike curiosity into your awareness.  Bring it into all of the things you do and places you go.  Bring it to work and be curious about why your coworker likes wearing green all the time.  Bring it with you to the gym and be curious as to why that certain person never wipes down the equipment after using it.  Bring it home with you and be curious why your roommate never puts the dishes away.  Look around you and feel the sense of curiosity about the people that you see. What do they struggle with below the surface? What secret pain are they carrying?  What fears do they hold? If you truly knew somebody deep down you wouldn’t judge them the way you do.  But a sense of compassion begins by seeking to know who they really are and what they’ve been through.  In this way the heart begins to soften a little bit.  The anger begins to subside. The judgment doesn’t seem quite as “passionate” as before. The truth is, no matter what side of an issue you’re on, you don’t really know much about the people on the other side unless you’ve really walked a mile in their shoes.  And they don’t know much about you.  So maybe we can do our part and take a step towards the middle by being open and curious, entertaining the idea that maybe there’s something important about “the other” we just never knew before.  If we can treasure the value of moving towards the middle, we’ve taken a step towards treasuring each other.